Anxiety Really Sucks!

Tonight, I’m going on a date for the first time in almost a year. I don’t know this person very well, and I’m really not sure what to expect. I can’t stop imagining all the possible ways I could give a bad impression of myself or look like a fool. But hey, I’m going ahead with it, so I should give myself a little credit, right?

Avoidance behaviors are some of the most common and universal things that us anxiety sufferers deal with. Us lucky folks with anxiety disorders avoid stepping outside of our comfort zones like other people avoid salmonella or awkward dinner with in-laws. Unfortunately, it’s these very avoidance behaviors that keep us in loops of anxiety, never letting us free from the cycle of worry and discomfort.

There is much evidence to suggest that exposure therapy is one of the most effective methods for overcoming a range of anxiety disorders. This may not come as a surprise to you. But it probably still makes you a little uncomfortable. Why on earth would I want to force myself to do the very things that give me anxiety?

As I’ve explained before, the core of anxiety is associative learning. Your brain learns to make a connection between a particular stimulus (the sight of a bus, the thought of making small talk, the feeling of a racing heart) and the sensation of fear or anxiety. Over time, the association becomes automatic, and you can no longer control yourself from feeling anxious at the onset of whatever stimulus is evoking the anxiety.

To overcome this loop, then, we look to exposure therapy. We teach our brains that we’re not going to die if we sit on a bus. We’re not going to suffocate if we get into an elevator. And we’re certainly not going to irreparably destroy our lives if we make a mistake.

So today, I challenge you. Go out and do something outside of your comfort zone. No matter how big or how small, force yourself to make that leap and do something that may very well be worth the risk.

You can do it!

If you have panic disorder, do some cardio and let yourself feel your heart rate rising. Maybe you’ll find out that exercise isn’t so bad after all.

If you have agoraphobia, go for a stroll around the block, and maybe stop by the grocery store to get a treat. Maybe you’ll realize that being out and about is still as fun as ever!

If you have social phobia, strike up a conversation with someone on the street. You’ll probably realize that no one is out to get you, and you certainly won’t come across as a weirdo or a fool like you think.

I can’t speak for other anxiety disorders, so I will leave it there. Use your imagination and do something awesome today!

Let me know in the comments or on Twitter what you did to step outside of your comfort zone. 

Obsessive thoughts really are a drag. As if having insecure thoughts wasn’t bad enough on its own, our minds take those thoughts and broadcast them on a sadistic loop that never seems to end. And for those of us with anxiety disorders, those obsessive thought loops can be quite debilitating.

My obsessive thinking causes me a lot of problems. It loses me sleep, it prevents me from meeting people, it makes me seem aloof and distant at times. It even makes conversations more difficult than they should be. At times, it may help me stay motivated to achieve my goals, but really, the costs outweigh the benefits a-thousand-to-one.

There are a few different sorts of obsessive thoughts I tend to have. I like to think that there are four different types of obsessive thinkers in my head. No, I’m not implying distinct personalities. These are all parts of me, they just have different motives. Today I thought I would introduce them. I have a feeling you’ve met them before.

1. The Worrier. This type of obsessive thinker likes to worry a lot. (I chose a really creative name, right?)

Time frame: events that are beyond the immediate future (days to years)

Types of obsessions: approaching due dates, meetings, interviews, and exams. Also: plane rides, social functions, medical appointments, and work reviews. Basically, The Worrier likes to remind you of upcoming events when you’re not in a position to prepare for them.

Example: “I know you’re about to fall asleep,” it might say, “but I just thought you should obsess over the presentation you’re giving next week. Did you forget you’re afraid of presentations? No? Well good. Because you are. You’re terribly afraid of them. And you’re going to screw it up big time. Let’s think about that for awhile, shall we?”

2. The Panicker. This obsessive thinker comes free with one order of panic disorder. But you can also buy it if you have enough anxiety points.

Time frame: largely focused on the present moment (minutes to hours)

Types of obsession: meta-anxiety (panicking about panicking). The Panicker may think it’s helping you by constantly reminding you of possible panic attacks, but it’s really just making your life a living hell. It likes to perk up when you’re riding on public transportation, trying to enjoy a meal out with some colleagues, or waiting for an exam to be distributed. Whenever there’s waiting involved, you can be sure to meet The Panicker.

Example: “Uh oh,” it whispers out of the blue, “did you feel that? Your heart rate is going up. And now your breathing is becoming labored. Could this be a panic attack coming on? Let’s focus all of your thoughts on the unpleasant sensations you’re feeling! See!? I told you – you’re panicking! Ah!”

3. The Social Phobe. Always lurking in the back of your mind, The Social Phobe is your constant source of insecurity. Even if you don’t have social phobia, you’ve probably still met  this one.

Time frame: generally focused on the present (minutes to hours), can also be found digging up the past, sometimes even looks ahead months or years

Types of obsessions: anything social. Constantly evaluating whether or not your friends secretly hate you, telling you that you’ll never find love, and convincing you that you’re incapable of speaking to people. The Social Phobe is the one that won’t let you forget about that time you said something stupid to your boss or that party where you threw up in front of your love interest. It also likes to tell you that you’re stupid, you’re unattractive, and you’re boring.

Example: “Are you sure you want to go to that party tonight?” it asks. “Remember last weekend when you made a fool of yourself at Amy’s party? Or that time when you spilled your drink on that guy that was hitting on you? I bet you’ve forgotten about all those times that you had to talk to that really annoying guy at res parties because no one else found you interesting. Please don’t tell me you’ve forgotten how boring you are? And really, do you think you can pull off that outfit? No wonder no one likes you.”

The Sadist: He’s watching you.

4. The Sadist. The most evil of the obsessive thinkers, The Sadist picks out your most uncomfortable thoughts, and blasts them in your head on eternal repeat.

Time frame: you’re never safe

Types of obsessions: whatever makes you the most uncomfortable. The Sadist digs up your deepest, darkest secrets and never lets you forget about them. It may borrow material from the other three, but it takes obsessions to a whole new level. This is the reason why you can’t stop thinking about that one time in first grade when you wet yourself at recess and everyone laughed at you. It’s also why you get jealous of your ex, you keep having that same awful sexual fantasy, and you can’t quite get that Taylor Swift song out of your head (like, ever).

Example: “Oh, you’re just settling into a new relationship are you?” it squawks. “Well, in that case, I’m going to play a 30-minute montage of the worst moments from your last two relationships on repeat for the next month. Enjoy.”

Next time you find yourself in a spiral of obsessive thoughts, say hi to one of these four lovelies. Or maybe you have an obsessive thinker of your own? Either way, next post I will explore some ways that we can quiet these obsessive thinkers and have a little bit of mental peace once in awhile.

Next week is my 21st birthday. My parents have graciously decided to take me to The Bahamas, which is something I’ve wanted to do for a very long time. There’s nothing like relaxing on a tropical island with a fruity drink in hand and a buffet of delicious food nearby. My mouth is literally watering just thinking about it.

But alas, what is my life if not filled with irrational fears and worries? Currently, I am stressing over the flight. I haven’t been on a plane since my panic disorder started last year, so I’m apprehensive. Will I be able to board the plane and make it to The Bahamas unscathed? Or will it be a panic-fueled disaster?

Anticipatory anxiety, the constant discomfort us anxiety sufferers feel between panic attacks, is a curse like no other. It floats around us like an ominous cloud, constantly reminding us that a panic attack could strike at any moment. “Beware of the plane ride,” it whispers in our ears, “You know you can’t escape from the plane right? If you panic, you’re stuck.” For me, the anticipation of new or uncertain events is always the worst part. Those cursed “what if” statements keep popping up in my head, slowly nudging me into a state of frenzy.

The duration and intensity of anticipatory anxiety can vary quite substantially. For a visit to the doctor’s office, I may be anxious for only an hour leading up to it and remain capable of carrying on with my day. For a presentation that has a lot riding on it, I may fret for weeks, lose sleep, and as it gets closer to the presentation time, I may even struggle with everyday tasks like having a conversation.

So how do we beat this anticipatory worry? I’m not completely convinced that we can ever fully get rid of it (everyone worries a little bit), but we can certainly tame it and retain control over our lives. Here are some strategies you might find useful:

• Mental distractions. When you feel your worries setting in, try to keep your mind occupied. Strike up a conversation with a close friend, do some crossword puzzles, or dive into your work. If you can keep mentally busy, you may be able to postpone the worries. This isn’t a permanent solution, but it can give you some relief. 
• Physical distractions. Go out and exercise. Go for run, take the dog for a brisk walk, go swimming. Try to exert yourself, as this will keep you mentally occupied as well. It’s a win-win situation, because exercise is good for your overall health.
• Meditation and relaxation. Relaxation techniques like mindfulness meditation have been scientifically explored as strategies for coping with excessive worrying, and the results have been very positive. Just doing some basic deep breathing exercises can help you stay grounded and deflect those troubling worrisome thoughts.
• Intellectual attacks. This is the ultimate way to overcome your worries: hit them where they hurt. Use the much more evolutionarily advanced parts of your brain to combat those primitive structures giving you this life of anxiety. So what if you have a panic attack on the plane? You know from a lifetime of anxiety that a panic attack will not kill you, it usually goes away in about 30 minutes or so, and people around you are less aware than you expect. Worries are often irrational and illogical. If you can learn to challenge them with your superior logic, one day they may just go away permanently.

Hopefully you will find some comfort in these coping strategies. I find that distractions work well with the smaller worries, while I reserve the intellectual reasoning and meditation for some of the more lengthy worries. Distraction is a technique that can be applied to almost any form of anxiety, but alas, it never really works in the long run. At some point you need to directly target the underlying problem rather than just avoiding the symptoms.

Do you have other strategies for overcoming anticipatory anxiety? If you do, feel free to leave a comment. Have a great day!

I’m not a real big sports fan. I avoid team sports at all costs, I find the gym to be a scary environment, and I cringe when someone asks me if I “saw the game last night” (what game?). I think my natural aversion to everything sports is at least partly responsible for the fact that I’ve never been as fit as I’d like to be. I rely on internal motivation to keep myself exercising every day, which is a lot tougher than I’d like it to be. That’s why I tried Tribesports – and why I suggest that you give it a try too.

First off, lets get the obvious stuff out of the way. Exercise is good for you. Many studies have explored exercise as an effective treatment for anxiety disorders and life stress. Research suggests that even small amounts of exercise can be beneficial in the treatment of anxiety and other mental illnesses. But this post isn’t meant to be a lecture on getting more exercise.

No, today I wanted to explore how I’ve overcome my natural aversion to organized exercise. See, I don’t like joining exercise classes because I find them intimidating, and thanks to my wonderful social anxiety, I’m constantly imagining how idiotic I must look flailing around like a dead fish in a pair of neon red shorts. Exercise classes make me more anxious, which kind of defeats the purpose in my opinion.

But being in a social environment is encouraging. If you’ve taken intro psych, maybe you’ve heard of social facilitation, the tendency to perform better on simple tasks when you’re surrounded by other people. When you’re alone, you can do as much (or as little) exercise as you’d like, and no one will know the difference. But when you’re out in public, you know other people are watching you, subtly trying to run just a minute longer than you or lift just a few pounds more than you (or is that just me?).

Enter the world of Tribesports. You create a profile, join tribes, engage in athletic challenges, and watch the encouragement roll in…all from the comfort of your home. It’s like being part of a network of virtual fitness classes, except you work at your own pace. There are hundreds of tribes to choose from, each with different focuses – from trail running to kickboxing. You can take challenges, like “do 10 push-ups every day for a week” or “run your first 5k”.

Tribesports is kind of like Facebook for athletics. You can follow people and watch their progress. Instead of “liking” status updates, you “encourage” activities and progress. Taking a “challenge” is a great way to become accountable for your exercise – all your Tribesports followers are watching to see when you’ll be able to hold the bridge for 5 minutes. You even get to level up as you progress with your account. The more challenges you complete, followers you accumulate, and tribes you join, the higher your ranking on the scoreboard.

I’m not usually one to promote individual sites like this one, but honestly Tribesports has renewed my interest in general fitness. Instead of forcing myself to get on the treadmill, I’m now excited to be able to push my athletic limits just to be able to click “Challenge Complete” and see my rankings improve. “Drop and do 15 push-ups right now.” You’re on!

In our technologically driven society, what could be better than a social media site geared towards exercise? I’ve already found Tribesports to be more addictive than Facebook . It’s a win-win situation – you have another social media site to join, and you’re exercising more. Give it a try – there’s really nothing to lose.

Have you tried Tribesports before? Tell me what you think! Are you as addicted as I am?

Are you being mindful in conversations?

If I haven’t mentioned it before, I have social anxiety. I’m afraid of things like having to make small talk and being assertive. My social fears often prevent me from fully engaging in conversations. I fall into self-perpetuating cycles; I’m so anxious that I won’t be able to hear what someone is saying that I completely miss what they were saying because I was so worried I’d miss what they were going to say. I know it sounds ridiculous, and it is, but that’s my brain for you (I’m sure many of you can relate!).

This issue leaves me with two problems: I’m not actively partaking in conversations, and I’m anxious as hell about it. I would love to just turn off my anxiety, but alas, that is not a realistic solution. It seems the only other way to bypass the problem is to force myself to engage in the conversation. Well how could I do that, you ask? The answer is through mindfulness.

If you’ve never heard the term before, mindfulness is about staying focused on the present and refraining from judging your thoughts and feelings. Being mindful really just means living life as it is happening, rather than worrying and obsessing over things that have happened or may (or may not) happen in the future. It’s a simple concept, but an incredibly difficult skill to master. Activities like yoga and Tai Chi draw on principles of mindfulness.

Being mindful in conversation requires you to focus on what the other person is saying. This sounds quite obvious – it’s what you’re already doing, right? My bet is no. Most people are often caught up in their own thoughts while in conversation. We all want to sound interesting and intelligent, so instead of actually listening to what the other person is saying, we often are planning what we’ll say next or trying to guess how this person will end their sentence. Sometimes, we’ve even moved past the conversation in our minds, and we’re planning what we’re going to do when it’s over (“As soon as he’s done jabbering away, I’m going to go get Starbucks”).

We live in a fast-paced world. It seems like we never have enough time in the day to get half of our to-do lists done. And we make it very clear to the rest of the world – we’re constantly checking our phones, storming around like we’re always late for something, honking our horns when someone isn’t speeding. I’ve argued before for the benefits of relaxation and slowing things down. Mindfulness is the most simple way to go about being more calm.

The next time you’re having a lengthy conversation with a close friend or family member, here’s what I want you to do:

• Let go of your worries and focus on what is being said. Instead of worrying about bills that need to get paid, notes that need to be read, and calls that need to be returned, just focus on the conversation. Being mindful in a conversation requires that you focus all your attention on what your conversation partner is saying. You shouldn’t be noticing people walking by or listening to music off in the distance.
  
• Acknowledge when your mind wanders and bring it back. If your thoughts do wander, acknowledge it, and bring yourself back to the conversation. You will probably find your mind wandering quite often; that’s okay. Just keep bringing yourself back to the conversation.  
• Speak in turn. If you do have social anxiety, you may not have too much problem with this one, but it’s worth noting anyway. Wait for your turn in the conversation – don’t interject if you think your point is more important. Ideally, you should wait until your conversation partner is done talking before you even think of your response. If you’re formulating your own thoughts while your partner is talking, then you’re not really listening, are you?
• Don’t judge yourself if you can’t keep focus. If your mind does wander or you can’t help but think about what you want to say, that’s perfectly okay. Mindfulness isn’t a skill you learn over night. Accept that your thoughts wander from time to time, and don’t judge yourself for it. Mindfulness is also about acceptance: acceptance of our flaws and quirks that make us unique.
• Try to appear calm. If you’re socially anxious, having conversations may not make you overly calm. But appearing calm is different altogether. What I mean is that you shouldn’t be twitching uncomfortably or fidgeting like you’re bored. You also shouldn’t be checking your phone every few minutes or responding to texts. I don’t know when we got to the point in our society where texting while have a serious conversation with someone else is considered appropriate, but I don’t like it (even though I’ve definitely done it before).

Being mindful is an incredible skill to master. It takes time, but you’ll see it can used in any aspect of your life. Mindfulness has many medical benefits, and for years it has been encouraged for patients of all different types of mental illness. I suggest that you find a mindfulness resource online and really try it. If you can practice mindfulness for a few moments every day, I really think you’ll see a difference.

Are you mindful in conversations? I would be interested to hear if any of you do this unconsciously.

Some days, it seems like you can just never get a break. You know, those days when a passing car splashes muddy water into your face, you’re late for work, and you spill your coffee all over your boss? Or maybe the bus breaks down on your way to a final exam, you sprain your ankle running to get there in time, only to realize that you forgot your student ID card and can’t get into the building. Most of the time, you can look back on such days and find humor in them.

But sometimes you can’t. Like this one day, a few months ago, when I was just starting to get daily panic attacks for the first time, and I’d hit my breaking point. I remember that day vividly – I was walking around in circles, avoiding going back to my apartment. I made my way up to a park on a hill in the middle of the city, hidden behind an array of dense trees. And I contemplated my suicide.

What saved me was a quick call to my parents. They forced me to talk about what was really bothering me, to get to the root of the problem, and they encouraged me to use the coping techniques I’d learned in therapy. They also got me crying – which it turns out was all I really needed. I could have easily thrown away years of treatment and self-discovery all in a sudden moment of weakness, but it was my social support network that kept me grounded. It was the accountability that comes with having close friends and family that saved me.

I have a great social support network. I have two incredibly understanding parents who have seen me at my worst and have never judged me. I have amazing friends scattered across the country who treat me with more respect than I probably deserve. I even have outstanding authority figures in my life – bosses, supervisors, counselors, advisers. And it’s these people who have kept me on my path to recovery.

Social support is a crucial element of any journey to recovery. Our support network encourages us to stick to our treatment plan, lends a helping hand we need something we can’t do for ourselves, and provides us with one or many shoulders to cry on if need be. Going beyond the obvious benefits, social support also has a biological basis too. Socializing facilitates the release of a hormone called oxytocin that helps us stay calm and relaxed. Low levels of oxytocin may contribute to illnesses like depression and anxiety.

Social support acts as a sort of buffer against stress and illness. It has been linked to lower rates of heart disease, lower stress hormone release, and better immune function. Unequivocally speaking, science has shown that having a support network is crucial to any recovery program – whether it be from mental illness or physical illness.

So why don’t we all open up about our illnesses? Usually the answer surrounds stigma (I’ve written about what perpetuates stigma before). Our society stigmatizes mental illness, and thus we fear being judged if we open up. We fear losing friends, becoming estranged from family members, maybe even losing jobs. It’s a scary thing to open up and let very personal parts of yourself out. But hopefully we know and trust those people that we’ve invited into our lives enough to be able to share ourselves.

Here are a few tips that you might find useful in your quest to broaden your social support network.

• Start small. Opening up about your illness is never an all-or-nothing process. If you’re not comfortable with labels, then just talking about how you get anxious from time to time is a great start. Tell your mom that it makes you uncomfortable to meet new people. Open up to your best friend about your fear of public transportation. Just getting your emotions out on the table can be incredibly cathartic.
  
• Practice online. If you’re not ready to talk about your illness in person, then start by joining an internet forum to discuss your thoughts and feelings (you can try Anxiety Zone or just do a quick Google search).
• Role play with your therapist. If you happen to be receiving professional help, role playing can be a great way to work out fears you have. Your therapist will likely have a lot of insight into possible reactions you may get and how to deal with them.
• Send an email. If you happen to have social anxiety like me, then having a serious emotional conversation in person can be difficult even if you practice online first. An easier approach would be to send your thoughts by written word (email, Facebook, or even snail mail if you’d like). That way, you have more time to choose your wording and you’re giving the other person time to digest the information and decide on an appropriate response.

Having a social support network is incredibly important if you want to stick to your journey to recovery. If you’re not ready to open up to your own support network about your anxiety, then feel free to leave me a message through my contact page – I read and respond to all my messages!

I’m a huge procrastinator. Whether it’s studying for an exam or writing a new blog post, I have mastered the art of putting things off and feeling okay about it. But sometimes, on the rare occasion I can trick my brain into productivity mode, I can tackle my to-do list head on and win.

What makes me procrastinate? I’m a pretty impulsive person. I lack self-discipline (for the most part). I’m lazy, I have a short attention span, and I really like creeping Facebook. I also love sleeping in and I get easily addicted to TV shows. I want to cook new recipes, and there are a million video games I want to try (but not beat…that takes dedication). I want to learn kung fu, judo, Brazilian jiu jitsu, and how to wield a katana. I want to lift weights more often, I want to run farther (and faster), I want to take up yoga and Tai Chi. I want to write a horror novel, or maybe just a few short stories, or wait, maybe I want to write a fantasy epic. I want to speak Russian, Japanese, Spanish, and Latin. I want to read more Dean Koontz novels, watch more comedies, obsess over Buffy the Vampire Slayer more often. …I think you get the picture.

What makes me NOT procrastinate? You can have the short answer or the long answer. The short answer is passion. When I feel passionate about something, even fleetingly, I can fend off procrastination for the time being. But of course, that isn’t real advice, is it?

The long answer is a different story. As much as passion is a huge motivator, it isn’t without flaws. Even the most passionate people working the most exciting jobs or studying the most fascinating topics procrastinate. So we’re back at square one…how do you stop procrastinating? Well, I want to share a few tips that I find helpful in the ongoing battle against procrastination.

• Disconnect yourself. I bet you could probably guess I’d start with a lecture on limiting your internet browsing. Well, yes, that is my first tip. I’m sure you’ve heard it a million times, and you’ve tried it a hundred million times, but something keeps opening up a new Facebook tab or telling you “five more minutes on Reddit, and I swear I’ll get back to work!” Do yourself a favor and just disconnect from the internet. Turn off your cellphone. Get in the zone. You have a limited attentional load, meaning you can only attend to a couple things at a time. If you try to pay attention to too many things, you’ll never get anything done.
  
• Remove the allure of decisions. If you make studying or catching up on readings a decision, then chances are you will find something more immediately gratifying to do. Try to remove these choices from your day: set a certain time on a certain day where you will complete a certain task. Do your sociology readings every Tuesday morning with a warm mug of green tea. Prepare your meeting notes Sunday evenings as you sip on a chai latte. Write a blog post every Monday afternoon while you enjoy a new herbal tea. (Doing things while drinking tea always sounds more pleasant, don’t you think?)
• Give yourself time off. As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, working for days on end without giving yourself a break is no good. I find that when I reach my maximum work capacity too early in the week, I spend the rest of the week putting things off. Instead, give yourself some time off every day where you can set aside your worries and just relax. That way, you’re less likely to run out of steam, and procrastination will be held further at bay.
• Dedicate a room to productivity. If you can find a particular spot where you do nothing but productive work (say, a particular seat at a library or a fun cafe down the street), your brain will eventually start to associate the environment with productivity. That way, you have one less thing (your environment) to distract you from doing your work.
  
• Give up perfectionism. For a lot people, the biggest obstacle preventing them from starting a task is the need for everything to be perfect. Dive into your work and just get it done. You’ll never reach perfection. (I will dedicate a post to perfectionism later, so I’ll have a lot more to say about that.)
• Balance your anxiety. Maybe you’ve heard of the Yerkes-Dodson law. Maybe you haven’t. If it’s the latter, then I will tell you there is an empirical relationship between arousal and performance that follows a bell curve. If you are not aroused at all (i.e. if you’re bored), you won’t perform well (you’ll probably procrastinate). If you’re too aroused (i.e. if you’re anxious about the task), you won’t perform well either (you’ll still procrastinate). In order to efficiently complete a task, you must be interested enough to start it (feel the pressure), but not too worried about the task to avoid it (oh-my-god-I-have-a-forty-page-paper-due-in-six-hours). Start your task early enough that you can complete it with a little time to spare, but not too early that you aren’t worrying about the due date.
• Work with little tasks, not big projects. Instead of saying “I HAVE to finish this paper today”, try “I want to get my research done today – tomorrow I will start writing.” Large tasks seem insurmountable, and will probably encourage you to procrastinate. Small tasks are much easier to deal with. You probably won’t have time to read 600 pages in one night, so don’t plan for it. If you’re a constant procrastinator like me, it takes baby steps to get out of this “student syndrome.” (The student syndrome refers to the phenomenon where students don’t bother applying themselves until the night before an official deadline. We all do it.) Try breaking down the 600 pages into smaller chunks with a little bit more time devotion. Why not 200 pages for three nights prior to the exam? That’s a step in the right direction…
• Remember why you’re doing what you’re doing. If all else fails, try to restructure your internal dialogue. Instead of dreading the work set out in front of you, remember why you’ve chosen to do that work. Whether it’s the joy of getting a good grade, the excitement of working towards a degree you’ve always wanted, or the allure of a new internship, there’s a reason you’ve decided to put yourself to work. Keep that in mind when you try to convince yourself that you need to spend an hour on Stumbleupon.

You can read and read and read about procrastination and still fail to overcome it. We use our cognitive biases to justify it. With billions of potential distractions pleading us to put off our work, it’s a wonder anyone gets anything done. But I know you can battle your procrastination and win. I do it (sometimes). That means you can too.

How do you battle procrastination? As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave me a comment .

Relaxation: you’re doing it wrong.

For those of us out who score high on the perfectionism scale, the idea of productive “me” time is alien. As society pushes us farther and farther along the education bandwagon, we find ourselves with little time to relax and unwind.  Universities are the best institutions at breeding burn-outs. The sheer volume of material that a student is exposed to in a university classroom is terrifying. If you’re a science student, you could spend an infinite amount of time learning biochemical pathways, anatomical structures, and physical equations. If you’re a humanities student, you could spend an even more infinite amount of time researching arguments related to your topic and editing your papers. There simply isn’t enough time to get through all the material in a class, so how could you take time off? How could you spend more time doing the things you want to do when you can’t even finish the things you have to do?

If you’re putting in 12-hour days 7 days a week right now, fastforward a couple years. How do you think you’re feeling? Are you still excited to get through those 12-hour days? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Did all your hard work pay off – do you finally have time for yourself? That answer is probably no. As students typically fail to realize, life doesn’t magically get easier once you’ve graduated. If you have to put in 12-hour days to get a job, chances are that job will put you through 12-hour days as well. Is that really what you want?

Most high-achieving people will never take full days off. Whether it’s worrying about an upcoming exam, adding last-minute touches to an essay, or scrambling to get your notes together for an important meeting, there simply isn’t time for a day off, right? Wrong.

I want to share a few tips that I’ve used in the past to allow myself some time to unwind and recharge.

• Let go of unrealistic expectations. Stop telling yourself that you haven’t had a successful week if you haven’t put in 70 hours at the library. I know this is one of those hackneyed pieces of advice that you’ll hear from time to time, but honestly, it’s worth repeating. Until you accept that life goes on when you fail to reach all your pie-in-the-sky goals, you’ll never be able to relax.
  
• Leave your work at the door. Make sure that there are places you can go specifically to relax. Whether its your bedroom, a particular cafe, or even just your kitchen, leave yourself at least one room where you can go without ever thinking about work. The human brain learns to associate things very quickly, and if you bring your work with you everywhere you go, you’ll learn that there is nowhere you can go to escape the hectic day-to-day stuff.
• Be spontaneous. If your off-time is just as routine as your on-time, you will probably grow to see relaxation as just another part of your busy schedule. Every once in awhile, take a day off – get through the bare minimum (mandatory meetings, tutorials, and whatnot), and then go wild and do something you’ve been thinking about doing for awhile. Blow off your study group to go see a movie and get sushi. Take a day off working on your paper to go on a long walk around the city. Race out of work as soon as your meeting is over and drive an hour out of town to go camping with your best friends.
• …but don’t be too spontaneous. Don’t leave your downtime to complete chance – make sure you have at least one day off a week.
• Be aware of the effects of burnout. I won’t get too much into this (at least for now), but think of your motivation as a limited resource – once you’ve motivated yourself to do a certain amount of work, it runs out. The only way to replenish your motivation is to take some time off to relax. If you work endlessly with no time for relaxation, you may grow resentful towards your workload and begin to dread the pile of things you have to do. Growing resentful of your workload is a dangerous slippery slope – perhaps leading you to drop out or change programs at an inconvenient time.
  
• Take up a hobby. Having something concrete to do that isn’t related to your workload can be a great way to escape and unwind. A hobby can be anything – volunteer at a child’s camp, learn how to cook, write a novel. If you give yourself something that registers as productive, maybe you’ll be more likely to allow yourself that time off work. Make sure it’s something that you actually enjoy and allows you to relax. If your hobby stresses you out even more than your regular workload, then maybe you should find a new one.
• Try meditation. Meditation, or other forms of mindfulness, can be a great way to learn the art of simplicity. In a world filled with distractions, we rarely have times where we’re not attending to an electronic device or planning our days. Mindfulness is all about grounding yourself in the present and trying not to let your thoughts wander. It’s kind of like forcing your mind to get bored – which is a good thing, in moderation. Spending some time to just appreciate the present moment without worrying about anything is a great way to relax and unwind. It’s actually a lot tougher than it sounds – see if you can spend 10 minutes imagining yourself on a private cruise ship without letting your thoughts wander.

The greatest satisfaction in the world comes from a feeling of purpose. We all want a purpose, and that’s what drives most of us to our wits’ ends. Do yourself a favor and take more time to do things you enjoy. Enjoyment and relaxation are purposes themselves – as much as society would like you to believe otherwise. Give up the unrealistic expectations that you may have placed on yourself, and just take the time to enjoy life. 

How do you unwind? I would love to hear your techniques for letting go of your daily worries. Leave me a comment!